The Pope Hates Potter—Both of Them

This month a court in Burlington, Kentucky issued the largest settlement to date against the Catholic Church in the “Priestofeelya” scandal.

Judge John Potter ruled in favor of the victims against the church to the tune of $120 million dollars (place pinky to corner of mouth.)

On such an infamous and history making day, there was little doubt the Vatican would issue a statement. That’s why no one was particularly surprised when Pope Benedict came out using the strongest language from the Vatican in some time denouncing Potter.

Harry Potter.

OK, in his defense, the guy with the Big White Hat is rather age-ed. Already beat the “three score and ten” often quoted from the Psalms. Possibly he meant to denounce JOHN Potter and simply had a senior moment. Certainly the Vatican did not allow this precedent setting commentary on their policies go without comment.

I guess the “Holy See” just doesn’t “see” it. (Clever pun quota met for today.)

According to Ratzinger, reading about some four-eyed-son-of-a-witch is much more harmful than a confessional fondling by Father Nutsinhander. Surely these youngsters were asking to be fondled, what with their bambi-like eyes, impish naiveté and round buttocks, playfully hidden beneath the folds of an alter-boy dress.

What sexually repressed, hard on in a penguin suit could resist asking them to visit his Rectory?

Catholics should begin addressing the real source of the sexual abuse scandal—stop reporting abuse. It worked for 50 years, it will work for 50 more.